Virgin Mother Kind

Among our many clients here, we have a number of very young mothers. And I'm not talking "16 and pregnant." I mean 11 and 12 years old. It really is outrageous to witness, especially knowing that their status is the direct result of maltreatment by another person. Their innocence, so to speak, and their childhoods have been taken from them, and that is injustice. But despite the ugliness that underlies these stories, there is a thing of beauty there- how the Lord can bring new life out of horrific abuse, and how a girl, who is really just a child herself, can be a loving, nurturing mother.

Last week, I was accompanying a client to an appointment, and I was really just in awe of her ability to be a mother at such a young age. Most girls her age (at least in the States) are preoccupied with seventh grade drama, One Direction, and the Biebs; but here she was, cradling and feeding her baby.

It is an obvious comparison to make, but as I watched her, I couldn't help but think of Jesus' mother. Sure, at that time, girls were betrothed at 12 and 13 years old, but that is still such a tender age. And to think of how scared Mary was at the prospect of becoming a mother in the strangest of circumstances. Not to mention Joseph, who risked being ostracized and going against the rules of his culture in order to support Mary and walk alongside her in that journey that put them at odds with their community. I am not comparing myself to Joseph here, but I think that walking alongside those whom society has cast aside is noteworthy.

While I am pretending to be a Catholic here in Guatemala, I am a dyed-in-the-wool Protestant. I think that as Protestants, we are hesitant of liking Mary too much; and while I do think that we should be careful, there are great lessons to be learned from her. And while it saddens me to think of the horrors these young girls here in Guatemala have gone through, it has been cool to see their stories in light of how God has worked in similar circumstances that gave us the greatest gift of all.

Ingratitude

Recently, my friend, Mazi, posted a blog entry about gratitude and its counterpart- ingratitude. (link below) - We know that if we want to sow contentment in our lives rather than discontentment, we would be wise to ruminate on that which we are grateful for. But, she writes, "sometimes-oftentimes- the healthiest thing we can do is to admit 'I'm unthankful for this. I don't want this.'" By doing so, we are taking "the first step in surrendering those burdens [we] were never intended to solely bear."

These first few months here in Guatemala have been full of highs and lows. I either love something or hate it. I love that I can buy wonderful, fresh vegetables at insanely cheap prices. But I hate the fact that hooligans are constantly setting off fireworks at all hours of the day and night. I am grateful to have a safe place to live. But I am not grateful for the lack of hot water to wash dishes, clothes, and my hands. I am grateful for this opportunity to live in a different culture and be stretched in so many ways. But I sure as hell am not grateful for the homesickness I feel every day nor the fact that it is near-impossible to make friends here. I could go on, but you get the point.

I really appreciate Mazi's post, especially because her words give legitimacy to the reality of ingratitude. Admittedly, I am a pessimist, but I still feel terrible whenever I am less-than-pleased with my circumstances. But in the past few days, as I've contemplated Mazi's words, I have grown to believe that it is absolutely ok to not be stoked about everything that's going on. Of course, I don't want to be constantly looking for things to be annoyed about, nor do I want to keep a running list of things I'm not thankful for; but I appreciate the permission to admit that some things just suck.

I am grateful for a lot. But I am also ungrateful for a lot. And that's ok.

Voice Lessons for Today- Ungrateful

Good Things

My hunch is that I'm probably not alone in my tendency to focus on the negative over the positive. And being in a new/different environment, far away from the people and things that I love seems to have amplified those things that are difficult. With that in mind, I just want to share some good things that have happened recently...

 - Last night was the wedding of one of my closest friends- Valerie Nelson Strawhorn. While I wish I had been there, I got the next-best thing: one of my other sweet friends, Casey, printed a photo of me and took it to the wedding, where my friends (and my parents) did a photo shoot all over the wedding reception. I was truly overcome with happiness to see their smiling faces and especially to be acknowledged in such a fun, sweet way.

 - Today I went to see "Catching Fire," and I absolutely loved it!

 - This evening, my roommate, Bennett, and I had dinner with our fellow intern, Rene, and his precious family. His older son was playing with his toy cars under the table, and he invited me to join him. After I managed to get myself situated under the table, he sweetly handed me one of his cars to play with. - Such a simple gesture from a small child, but it truly warmed my heart so much.

 Praise the Lord for simple gifts.

Photo Album Link- Pacaya Volcano

Pacaya

Photo Album Link

Messing Up

It's been a rough day. I am having trouble with an assignment I have been given, and it's causing me a lot of anxiety. And about an hour ago, I went with a client to buy something, and when we returned to the office, it appeared that they had pulled a fast one on us. Needless to say, I felt wretched about it. I asked my supervisor to go back to the store with us to help figure out what went wrong. True, the people at the store are the ones who messed up, but I still feel guilty about it. Maybe more so just embarrassed and afraid that I now look incompetent. Seriously- doing anything in one's second language makes it fifteen billion times more difficult. Not to mention the fact that Guatemala uses this weirdo system for taxes: every time you make a purchase, you have to tell them your N.I.T., which is a government-issed number to track purchases. I, of course, don't have one and so am not accustomed to dealing with it. By neglecting to tell the store IJM's N.I.T. I think it made the situation worse. In the end, we were able to return what we bought, and I guess there is no permanent damage done. But why can't I forgive myself?

Every day, I learn more about how I view myself and from where I draw my self-worth. It seems to be falling to pieces here.

Ironically enough, after the debacle with the purchase/money, I received an email from NBCC, telling me that they have received all of my papers for my certification and that I am now, therefore, a Nationally Certified Counselor! (At least I'm accomplished and competent in the U.S.) I feel this need to prove myself here, but it is difficult because I do not fully understand how things work. I want people here to know how smart, accomplished, educated, and capable I am; and I feel as though I look anything but.

In my mind, I know that my worth comes from the Lord and not from my own competence or accomplishments. But knowing and believing are sure as hell not the same thing.

On second thought...

Well, it turns out I'm not crazy. At least not about the disappeared rent money. It appears as though we were robbed. My roommate realized last night that she is missing a bunch of U.S. dollars from her room. So right now, we are in the midst of changing the lock on our door, and tomorrow we are going to the Ministerio Público to submit a report. (I guess it's like filing a police report back at home.)

This situation is sub-par, to say the least; however, I have seen over and over the grace of the Lord during the past two days...

- We are fortunate enough to work with an incredible team of lawyers and investigators who are so graciously helping us deal with what has happened and to ensure our safety in the future.

- A little while ago, I was chatting with the locksmith (who came over with a co-worker), and he and I had a great little conversation about California and Oregon. He got so excited when I told him that my sister-in-law is from the Bay Area. (Do you capitalize that?)

- Even though I was a little hesitant to leave the apartment unguarded, I had to go out for a few minutes this morning to put some money on my phone; and I ended up having a funny encounter with a gentleman as we, together, frantically searched for a kiosk that had Tigo credit. We laughed together as we scampered across the street after being turned away by two places.

- And I am currently enjoying a delicious plate of homemade guacamole and pico, the ingredients of which cost me about a dollar.

I am so grateful for these small moments of grace. Thanks be to God for His providence and provision!

Face Plant

I feel as though for the past few days I've just been continuously falling on my face. First, my embarrassing outing on Sunday to Pacaya. On Monday, I got so flustered over computer problems that I couldn't hardly focus on making a phone call, and I had to ask someone else to do it. And it appears as though I have either lost our rent money or that someone stole it. - I went to take it to our landlady yesterday morning, and she wasn't there. So I came back to our apartment and left it on a little table by the door, grabbed my stuff, and left for the day. When I returned to the apartment last night, the money was gone! Granted: I am not the best at finding lost items, but I have searched high and low and even gone up to our roof to see if maybe I accidently carried it up there when I went to get my laundry down, and I went through the trash. It is nowhere to be found.

The real issue here is not the occurrences themselves, but rather how I react to them. When something goes wrong, I get serious tunnel vision. On Sunday, I couldn't think of anything besides how mortified I felt and about how people might have been thinking negative things about me. With this money mystery, I haven't been able to stop wracking my brain trying to figure out what happened. (I do have money to repay the rent, but it's still just so weird and mysterious and perhaps a little disconcerting.)

I fully believe that I am naturally inclined to worry and anxiety. My MBTI type is proof of that. But I think that maybe it has become my m.o. in a negative way. I want things to go perfectly, and when they don't, I just can't handle it without having a meltdown of some sort. Or, when I feel that I have messed up or made a bad impression, I can't help but beat myself up over it. It's not a good way to live. Lord, help me change.

Battling my pride on Pacaya

I just returned from Pacaya volcano. It was a real trek, and I am tired. I had read various accounts of the hike and its difficulty; some folks said it was quite easy while others said it was quite strenuous. Either way, it turned out to be too much for me. I am not currently in good shape, and I just couldn't do it. I did make it to the summit, however. There was a group of young boys with our tour group on horseback, and they had been offering rides; so about a quarter of the way up, I caved. Yes, I rode a horse. For the first time in, probably, 15 years.

One other person from our group got on a horse as well, so that allayed some of my embarrassment. But not all of it. The whole time (and even now) I was so worried about what everyone was thinking about me. Thinking that I am a wuss. And out of shape. And even that I shouldn't have gone on the trip to begin with. Maybe no one was thinking these things anyway, but I was overcome with shame and embarrassment nonetheless.

I so often feel the need to be things that I am not. I feel the need to be outgoing, when in actuality I am insanely introverted. I feel the need to be the best at things, but I know that there is often no prize for coming in first. And today I felt the need to prove myself physically, and when I couldn't, I felt the need to provide excuses. But...

I am an extremely introverted individual. And that's ok.

I am good at some things but terrible at many others. And that's ok.

I am not super-athletic. And that's ok.

I don't want to live in fear of others' opinions, nor do I want to continue to berate myself for not "measuring up" to the people around me. Comparing oneself to others is truly a prison. And I don't want to be in it anymore.  

Día de Todos Santos

Today I went with a few folks to Sumpango, Sacatepequez to see the big kite festival that is part of Dia de Todos Santos. The day commemorates the beatification of loved ones who have gone before us. Many people travel to family grave sites to clean and decorate them, and many people travel very far to do so. The trip to Sumpango today took over two and a half hours due to the masses of people trying to get out of the capital; on a normal day, the trip would have taken about forty minutes.

There is something poetic about being so dedicated to remembering loved ones who have passed. I like that today provides a concrete way for people to honor their families and to be reminded of how fleeting this life is. I don't consider myself to have had a tragic life by any means, but I have lost people whom I continue to miss. There are people who, I believe, if they were still here, would make life a bit funnier (Papaw, my dad's father), a bit more interesting (Mamaw, my dad's mother), a bit sweeter (Ingrid, my mom's close friend), and a bit more special (Mr. Meng, my best friend's dad). I want to remember them, honor their legacies, and I hope that I will see them again in heaven.

Distance & Engagement

Last week, while I was home recuperating from my lovely parasite, I heard that one of our young clients had attempted suicide. One of my coworkers was accompanying me to a doctor’s appointment, and while we waited at the clinic, I asked her about the client. She said, “She tried to swallow…” Before she finished her sentence, I said “Pills?” “No,” she replied. “Needles.” I was taken aback, to say the least. That is a picture of desperation if I’ve ever heard one.

 

I have not lost sleep over this case, and in a way, that makes me feel guilty. Am I numb to such horrors? Or am I just used to hearing them? I am, by no means, a seasoned therapist, but even in the few years in my grad program and as a clinical intern, I have read about and encountered so many horrific cases; and I have had clients of my very own who were suicidal. I can recognize this case as terribly tragic, so perhaps that is a sign that I have not reached a place of “burnout,” yet I almost feel bad for not breaking down over it.

 

It is a strange dance that mental health professionals have to do—maintaining a healthy distance in order to take care of ourselves while also engaging to the extent that we can convey empathy and understand our clients’ experience. Whatever the case with me and my reaction to such stories, I hope and pray that they continue to break my heart and that the Lord will give me the tools and ability to guard myself from becoming callous or unaffected.

What's Boring Is Necessary

Recently, I have spent a lot of time dealing with IT issues and doing other computer-based tasks for the Aftercare department here at IJM-Guatemala. For instance, this morning I found myself practically crab-walking under my desk to switch out the CPU for my computer. And most of today was spent changing the service status of this year's clients in IJM's online database. It's definitely not the stuff of glamour or excitement.

 

I think that we are all intellectually aware that this part of the work of justice and rescue is a reality and must be done; yet, for me, it is still a revelation to encounter it and do it firsthand. It is easy to imagine the rescue from the brothel, the arrest of the pimp or perpetrator, and maybe even the therapy that is delivered after rescue; but at least when I have read and thought about cases in the past, I have not thought about the computer/clerical work, the day-to-day logistics, and the other mundane parts of the system in any depth. The work of justice and providing rescue and healing is a long, arduous battle- full of frustrations, setbacks, and just plain boring work.

None of this is particularly mind-blowing or revelatory, I realize. But knowing something and experiencing/doing it are truly two different things. My hat (or sombrero, rather) goes off to my colleagues here at IJM-G and at HQ and around the world for fighting this difficult fight. I am surrounded by heroes as I type this. And that is the truth!

IJM Mission Statement

To protect the poor from violence by rescuing victims, bringing the criminals to justice, restoring survivors to safety and strength, and helping local law enforcement build a safe future that lasts. 

My Week as a Recluse

This week has been rather uneventful. We had Monday off for a national holiday- Día de la Revolución. It was a good day: I used my bus card for the first time and successfully navigated my way to the mall, where I enjoyed a delicious drink at Starbucks. Yes, Starbucks. Guate is cooler than you think, my friends. I also went to the ophthalmologist, where I learned that my current contacts/glasses prescription is insufficient. Good times! 

I spent the rest of the week as a prisoner in my apartment with the exception of my trip to the ER. It appears that I have a parasite. (It hit me in the wee hours of Tuesday morning.) It apparently happens to everyone who comes down- almost like an initiation of sorts. So I guess you can say that I’ve officially arrived! While it stinks to have missed out on an entire week at the office, I am grateful for the following things: to have a nice, spacious apartment in which to recuperate; sweet coworkers who have checked in on me and even accompanied me to the ER; two grocery stores within walking distance; and the fact that I am now feeling better.

Thanks for letting me share. 

Picasa Link

Guate

Just a good day

Nothing too major to report. I just want to share that today was a pretty great day! Work went well; I was busy making phone calls to confirm attendees for an event we're hosting. I also helped a couple colleagues with their ESL homework. I must admit that I feel terrible for folks who learn English as a second language because it's so irregular and practically devoid of rules. I had lunch at Pollo Campero. For those of you who are unawares, PC is a Guatemalan chicken chain, the likes of KFC but better! (Ironically enough, there is a Pollo Campero right near my parents' house in Roswell, GA.)

This afternoon on our way home from work, my roommate and I stopped at a little kiosk by our place and got snacks. Mine was the most delicious tostadita- like a giant corn chip smothered in guacamole, cheese, salsa, and onions. Yum to the max! Then a friend of my roommate's picked us up and we went to the orchestra. Yes, the orchestra. It was not your typical orchestral repertoire. The theme was "movie theme songs"! They played the themes to "Toy Story," "The Incredibles," "Monsters, Inc.," "Star Wars," "Harry Potter," "Tangled," "Mission Impossible," "Pirates of the Caribbean," "The Simpsons," and a few others. It was quite impressive! We also ran into two of our co-workers, which was sweet.

According to literature related to long-term travel, I am in the honeymoon stage, so it should not come as a surprise that I am currently so enamored with being here; however, since I got off to such a rough start, it is, I think, that much better that I am now enjoying it so much. I have no doubt that there will be highs and lows over the coming months, but for now I want to revel in the fact that today was just so enjoyable!

Get in my belly!

Guatemala: Addendum, of sorts

'Just wanted to "check in" and let y'all know that things are going pretty well. I feel that my last post was a real downer and gives the impression that I am miserable here. It's definitely a steep learning curve, and since I am a perfectionist and want everything done yesterday, it has been an adjustment (and will continue to be, I'm sure).

Each day I feel a bit more comfortable at the office, and I keep telling myself that I cannot expect to feel completely comfortable, competent, or confident. (Good alliteration, huh?) Within that context, I've realized that there is a great contradiction: I so badly want to be helpful and a part of this office, yet I actually dread someone asking me to do anything for fear of messing up or simply just not understanding what I am asked to do. I think that can happen in any arena- for me, at least. If I can't do something perfectly, then I'd rather not do it at all.

That's really lame, I know. I suppose that underlying this internal conflict is nothing more than fear. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being "the best." I want that to change. Perhaps that will be one of the many things the Lord will break me of and teach me this next year.

On a lighter note: Today is my birthday! My co-workers decorated my desk, and everyone sang to me after morning prayer time. And my fellow interns took me out for Mexican, where I had to wear a ridiculous sombrero while the waiters sang to me. Despite the embarrassment, I am glad to know where I can get some legit Mexican food here in Guate! I also received two birthday cards and a giant package in the mail!

Hopefully, my roommate and I will have wireless at our apartment soon, and I will be able to post photos!

Oh! My new favorite activity = jumping rope on the roof of my building.

Guatemala: A rough start

I have now been in Guatemala for two weeks. Yes, I can believe it.

Leaving home proved to be far more difficult than I had anticipated, for I had really enjoyed my time with friends and family between camp and my departure for Guatemala. My precious niece, Madison, was born on September 1^st, and I really hated leaving her. I also had the pleasure of traveling all around South Carolina and the Atlanta area to visit friends- what a reminder of how special it is to have solid community…and to just have a good time with others! Given this precious season that the Lord granted me, coupled with my anxiety over this new season of life, I was quite upset to leave home. I cried for about half of the flight down here. PTL, the seat next to me was empty, so I didn’t feel like I was making anyone uncomfortable.  

My first weekend was great (I arrived on a Saturday.). I got to spend it with some fellow interns, two of whom I had the pleasure of meeting at IJM’s Global Prayer Gathering back in D.C. in March. It was nice to have a couple days to get my bearings a bit and to settle in. Then came my first day at the office…

Suffice it to say, it did not go well. I ended up crying and leaving the office. Yes, I cried and ran away like a small child. I am, in general, prone to anxiety, and the great unknown into which I find myself staring has gotten the best of me at times. My mom spoke truth to me that afternoon, reminding me that I am right where God would have me. As she said, the circumstances surrounding my placement here in Guatemala are too perfect for it to be outside His will.

The days since my first have been better although at times I have no idea what I am doing or am supposed to be doing. I have, however, been trying to lean into the truth of God's sovereignty as I seek to find my place and serve here.

Homage to a great dog.

Yesterday, my brother, Vance, had to have his dog, Liza, put down. She was 15 years old and was recently diagnosed with Cushings Disease. While she was technically Vance's dog, she belonged to us all. As my mom said yesterday, "She owned us all." In the time she was with us, our family went through a lot- joys and sorrows alike. I think that is a big part of what makes pets so special- not just the companionship that they provide, but that they are a living representation of what happens in our lives.

I think that for a lot of us, it is embarassing to be so attached to our animals. After all, they are not people. But, honestly, I think it's ok. To an extent, at least. (I mean, buying clothes for pets is crossing a line.)

But back to Liza... I want to share a few memories that stick out:

- When Mom first got her: She had promised Vance a dachshund for quite some time, but it had been delayed for one reason or another. One afternoon/evening while I was at choir practice in Snellville, Mom found an ad for dachshund puppies in the paper. When I came out to the car after practice, there she was! So tiny and wrapped in a towel. I think she just weighed a few ounces. We kept her in Mom and Dad's bathroom, and I remember going in there and sitting with her because I didn't like to hear her crying.
- One evening while Dad was walking her (along with Taffy and Lolly, our other dogs at the time), a neighbor asked if he was walking a rat- because she was so small!
- Vance was the mascot at Ole Miss while he was there, and one break he brought home his Colonel Reb head. I remember him coming into the kitchen with it on, and Liza went nuts! She was barking and hopping back and forth; I suppose because she was scared of him. I can't blame her. People in costumes are freaky!
- One evening at St. Simons, I took Liza down to the beach to walk. It was low tide, so I let her off the leash so that she could run. She went tearing off along the beach but stopped after a couple minutes, and I could tell that she was rolling around. (If you are not familiar with dachshunds, they are notorious for wallowing in anything smelly.) When I finally caught up to her, she was rolling on a dead pelican. And she smelled like death. I could hardly keep from gagging as I walked her home, where she promptly got a bath. Sheesh!

I don't know if this is more difficult because I am away or if maybe it's just tough no matter what. I am glad, though, that I got to spend time with her before I left. She was not herself these past few months, but that doesn't change what she means to us.

Let's learn about Guatemala!

So... Where is Guatemala? What the heck is there to know about it? Well...

It is in Central America- bordered by Mexico, El Salvador, Belize, and Honduras.

Guatemala gained its independence in 1821, after 3 decades as a Spanish colony. Prior to the arrival of the Spanish, Maya civilization flourished there. 

Manuel Estrada Cabrera ruled Guatemala from 1898 to 1920. His dictatorship allowed for the United Fruit Company to exercise its power in the Guatemalan political and economic arenas.

In 1954, a CIA-backed a coup led to the downfall of democratically-elected President Arbenz after he legalized the communist party and attempted to nationalize United Fruit's plantations.

The country underwent a civil war from 1960 to 1996, which saw government forces battling leftist rebel groups. During the war, an estimated 200,000 Guatemalans perished, many as a result of the government "disappearance" program. Allegations of genocide perpetrated by the Guatemalan government persist to this day.

Today, Guatemala is a constitutional republic although many social and economic problems persist. It is considered a biodiversity hotspot and boasts a population of over 15 million. Its capital, Guatemala City (Nueva Guatemala de la Asunción) sits at 4.900 ft. and is the most populous city in Central America with an estimated population of about 4,000,000. 

Currency: Quetzal
Language: Spanish, along with approx. 21 Mayan dialects

Hindsight

Last night, I returned from D.C., where I spent the past week participating in orientation at IJM HQ. It was like drinking from a fire hose, and while my anxiety level is heightened, I am even more excited to head to the field.

I had an epiphany last week: Someone asked me (more than once) how I heard about IJM, and I shared that I was first introduced to IJM via a book conference at Peachtree Presbyterian in the spring of 2007. That semester, I was originally going to study abroad in Argentina, but due to some personal and family issues, I decided to postpone my semester abroad until the fall, and I withdrew from Clemson. I lived with my parents in Atlanta and did an internship in the Global Missions department at Peachtree. It was there that I learned about IJM. Also, I participated in a short-term mission trip to Guatemala. (I came home after just a couple days because I got strep throat.)

So here I am, six and a half years after that semester in which I traveled briefly to Guatemala and learned about IJM. I am leaving on September 28th to serve with IJM-Guatemala as an Aftercare Fellow. Surely, the Lord foresaw the path to the place where I currently find myself. I am so amazed at how He uses all things in my life, bringing them together and always offering me a hindsight vision that proves His faithfulness.

Mid-Summer Update

It sure has been a long time since I wrote on this thing. But I'm pretty sure no one reads it anyway.

Now that we've cleared that up....

We're just past the mid-summer mark here at Camp Juliette Low: four and a half weeks down and three and a half to go until closing day. Wow!

The first half of the summer was absolute craziness: CITs piercing each other's ears, lying, hiding cell phones, and numerous other camper shenanigans. Our current group of CITs has been here since Monday, and they are just fantastic! We really could not be more pleased with their work so far. They're really on top of things, and I just love them! Tonight, the first-years did their unsupervised cookout, and it was great. They made chicken alfredo, seven layer bean dip, Caesar salad, and chocolate chimichangas....all on a fire! Yes, we CJL girls are hard-core.  It's especially gratifying and fun to watch the second-years, whom I had last year, blossom in to such solid leaders. I look forward to all they will do in the next two weeks!

More than once this summer, I have stopped to think about how awesome it is to have grown up here at CJL and to now be in a leadership position. (I probably would not have believed anyone who told me I would one day be the CIT Program Director.) This place truly is a gift from the Lord, and I often glimpse the Kingdom of Heaven when I am here, as I foster friendships, delight in His creation, and simply enjoy the life He has given me.

As this camping season winds down, I have begun to look forward to the next season in my life: preparing for and beginning my work with IJM in Guatemala. Last weekend I booked my flight to and accommodations for training week in D.C.! I am very grateful to be in a season of life that I truly enjoy and to have something so exciting on the horizon- Praise the Lord!

Surrounded by Struggle

The past few days have proven to be emotionally exhausting. Yesterday, I found out that a friend's brother died, and today I heard that my best friend's grandmother passed away. Also, last night a few of my fellow CMH students shared some very difficult client stories and their personal reactions and struggles in dealing with them.

I absolutely know that heartache is a part of life, but this is a strange place to be- surrounded by so much heartache while feeling that things in my life are going quite well. (I recently accepted an offer from IJM to participate in their Fellowship Program! And graduation is fast approaching!) I hate to see people whom I love having to face such difficulty. As a counselor, I am used to diving in to others' hurt; however, I cannot play the counselor role with my friends and family. It is not an easy task to just sit with people in their hurt and struggles.

I think that in asking Peter, James, and John to accompany Him to the garden, Jesus was really asking a lot of them. The text does not explicitly say so, but in my current position, I feel that I can intuit that with confidence. I do not have any answers right now, except to say that it is tough to look all around and feel that there is not much besides heartache and evidence of the fallen world in which we live. It is times like this that I know without a doubt that Christ is our only hope.