I feel as though for the past few days I've just been continuously falling on my face. First, my embarrassing outing on Sunday to Pacaya. On Monday, I got so flustered over computer problems that I couldn't hardly focus on making a phone call, and I had to ask someone else to do it. And it appears as though I have either lost our rent money or that someone stole it. - I went to take it to our landlady yesterday morning, and she wasn't there. So I came back to our apartment and left it on a little table by the door, grabbed my stuff, and left for the day. When I returned to the apartment last night, the money was gone! Granted: I am not the best at finding lost items, but I have searched high and low and even gone up to our roof to see if maybe I accidently carried it up there when I went to get my laundry down, and I went through the trash. It is nowhere to be found.
The real issue here is not the occurrences themselves, but rather how I react to them. When something goes wrong, I get serious tunnel vision. On Sunday, I couldn't think of anything besides how mortified I felt and about how people might have been thinking negative things about me. With this money mystery, I haven't been able to stop wracking my brain trying to figure out what happened. (I do have money to repay the rent, but it's still just so weird and mysterious and perhaps a little disconcerting.)
I fully believe that I am naturally inclined to worry and anxiety. My MBTI type is proof of that. But I think that maybe it has become my m.o. in a negative way. I want things to go perfectly, and when they don't, I just can't handle it without having a meltdown of some sort. Or, when I feel that I have messed up or made a bad impression, I can't help but beat myself up over it. It's not a good way to live. Lord, help me change.
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