the darkness in my heart

As I type this, I am filled with anger, sadness, and despair. The issue of Israel/Palestine has long been very important to me, and the current strife is just about all I can think (and read) about.

In all honesty, I care more about this issue than any other in the world. Of course, I care about other things, but nothing gets me even nearly as pumped up. I learned about the region's history and the occupation after my parents traveled there in 2006; before that, my attitude was something akin to "The U.S. supports Israel, and that's the way it is." I am not proud of this former ignorance, but that may be precisely why I am so passionate about seeing justice be done in the Holy Land.

I want other people to wake up to the reality of the situation. I want people to see both sides as humans worthy of respect. I want to see respect for international law. I want people to stop equating the word "Palestinian" with "terrorist." I want people to stop assuming that modern-day Israel is the same as Biblical Israel. I want people to care even a fraction of how much I care*.

I want these things with all of my heart. As I continue to learn about this conflict, I feel the anger and bitterness grow in my heart. I know that a desire for peace and justice cannot be rooted in revenge or hatred. But hatred is easy. I don't have it in me to do anything else.

And maybe that's just it: on my own, I cannot overcome the ugliness in my heart. I admit that I am reluctant to turn from my natural inclination to return evil for evil and to, instead, ask the Lord to help me respond in a manner worthy of His sacrifice. Yet I know that I cannot call for an end to violence and injustice thousands of miles away if I am not willing to confront and battle the darkness in my own heart. Lawd, help me...

*The silver lining in my involvement with issue has been the gift of meeting fellow activists over the past few weeks. I am insanely grateful for their solidarity and boldness.