You ever break down without having seen it coming? Well, that happened to me on Friday. I accompanied a family to a judicial hearing, in which the children testified about the abuse they suffered. It was a long day, as I had to go early to meet the family; then the hearing got moved back; and then the hearing started late and lasted a while. In these types of hearings, the children are in a room with a psychologist who is fed questions from the lawyers who are watching the interview on the opposite side of a one-way mirror. And in cases with multiple victims, the kids testify one at a time. And let me just say that the waiting area is not kid-friendly. So just the waiting itself is difficult. (Seriously- this fight for justice is long and tough...and frustrating a lot of the time.)
After getting back to the office, I broke down. I tried to shrug it off, but my wonderful supervisor pulled me aside because she could tell that I was not ok. She and I cried and prayed together, and I very much appreciate the love and vulnerability she showed me in those moments. The truth is- I am stressed out most of the time here. Either because I am worried about doing everything perfectly. Or because I take an emotional beating as I read about horrific abuse and see the residual damage in the lives of our clients.
I am not clinically depressed or constantly miserable, nor am I in any danger of hurting myself or self-medicating. I laugh often, and overall, I do like living here. But I am exhausted. This work would be tough enough at home, but I am in a foreign country, navigating every situation in my second language, living with people I do not know well, and away from my family and friends. Not to be a jerk, but no wonder I'm stressed and tired!
Admittedly, I have not been good about spending time praying or reading scripture. I want to do better with that. And I really hope that my trip home (40 days from today!) is encouraging and renewing.
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