The weekends here are really great! And yesterday (and today so far) was no exception. Yesterday, Bennett and I went with Rene and his family to Antigua. I enjoy the time I get to spend with them; it's nice to be around a family, and their boys are a constant source of entertainment!
While in Antigua, I went to meet the family with whom I will be staying during Semana Santa. (My boss lived with them for a time before he became our FOD.) Everyone says that Semana Santa in Antigua is not to be missed, so I'm excited to check it out! After we all had some time to tootle around, we met back up at Sabe Rico, which is one of our favorite restaurants in Antigua. All of the tables are outside, hidden in little nooks in a beautiful garden. It's a real oasis. And the food is great too!
Last night, Rene and Monica hosted "Game Night" (Uh, how cool are we?) at their place, and it was super-fun. There was, honestly, more hanging out than game-playing, but that was totally cool with me. I really treasure the time with my fellow interns and the cool folks we've met here; it's awesome to just hang out and laugh (and speak English, of course.) I also got to hold our friends, Sam and Hannah's, baby for a while. He's such a cutie...and so cuddly! (There really is something so therapeutic about holding babies/kids.) Oh! And I tried "gringas" for the first time- a delicious concoction: meat in corn tortillas, covered in delicious (and spicy) sauces. Yum!
Quite often, I find myself in awe of how the Lord has provided community for me here. I often miss people from home, but last night was one of those times in which I stopped and was overcome with gratitude for the people He has allowed me to meet and spend time with in this place.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
I am the problem.
Is it just me, or does the world seem to really be going to hell in a handbasket? I definitely think that the world has always and always will be full of problems, oppressive governments, and just general suffering; but I just can't help but feel that all news is bad news these days. One of my daily rituals is to look at BBC's "Day in Pictures," and lately, almost every photo is one of a region in strife. It's as if the Olympics are the only current event that is not related to an armed conflict. But, even the Olympics are steeped in controversy and the apparent oppression of the Russian people by their government.
I've always prided myself on being informed, and I really do enjoy learning about current events. But, as of late, when I read about the civil war in Syria, the unrest in Ukraine, the cluster f#%& that is Africa, and other stories, I am pretty much unmoved. Maybe my apathy is related to the inundation of tragedy I see here in Guatemala. Or maybe it's just that the world is so messy that not much seems surprising/shocking anymore.
When we read about some tragedy, whether manmade or natural, we're often moved to ask "What can I do about it?" only to quickly answer that question with "Not much. I'm here. The problem is there. And that's that." At least, that's how I feel these days. I should believe more in the power of prayer, but it's exhausting to pray day after day and just see things getting worse.
This afternoon, I was reminded of a chapter in Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz, in which he tells of going to a peaceful protest at an event where Pres. George W. Bush was present. Many people at the event were holding signs, decrying what they thought to be the faults of Bush's policies, and maybe they were right in what they said. But it is D.M.'s words that came to my mind this afternoon:
"More than my questions about the efficacy of social actions were my questions about my own motives. Do I want social justice for the oppressed, or do I just want to be known as a socially active person? I spend 95 percent of my time thinking about myself anyway. I don't have to watch the evening news to see the world is bad. I only have to look at myself. I am not brow beating here, I am only saying that true change, true living giving, God-honoring change would have to start with the individual. I was the very problem I had been protesting. I wanted to make a sign that read “I am the problem” -Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
There is so much truth (and conviction) in what he says. When I read about the violence in Syria, my reaction is to say "Violent extremism is the problem." or "Assad is evil." But really, it is me who is evil. When I get angry at my roommates, I am sowing hate and not peace. I cannot pray for "peace on Earth" and then turn around and curse the very people in front of me. I cannot ask God to bring an end to violence and then be impatient with those around me. If I say that I am a supporter of nonviolence (which I am), then I must practice nonviolence in all of my actions: in what I say, in what I do, and in how I treat others. I am the problem.
I've always prided myself on being informed, and I really do enjoy learning about current events. But, as of late, when I read about the civil war in Syria, the unrest in Ukraine, the cluster f#%& that is Africa, and other stories, I am pretty much unmoved. Maybe my apathy is related to the inundation of tragedy I see here in Guatemala. Or maybe it's just that the world is so messy that not much seems surprising/shocking anymore.
When we read about some tragedy, whether manmade or natural, we're often moved to ask "What can I do about it?" only to quickly answer that question with "Not much. I'm here. The problem is there. And that's that." At least, that's how I feel these days. I should believe more in the power of prayer, but it's exhausting to pray day after day and just see things getting worse.
This afternoon, I was reminded of a chapter in Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz, in which he tells of going to a peaceful protest at an event where Pres. George W. Bush was present. Many people at the event were holding signs, decrying what they thought to be the faults of Bush's policies, and maybe they were right in what they said. But it is D.M.'s words that came to my mind this afternoon:
"More than my questions about the efficacy of social actions were my questions about my own motives. Do I want social justice for the oppressed, or do I just want to be known as a socially active person? I spend 95 percent of my time thinking about myself anyway. I don't have to watch the evening news to see the world is bad. I only have to look at myself. I am not brow beating here, I am only saying that true change, true living giving, God-honoring change would have to start with the individual. I was the very problem I had been protesting. I wanted to make a sign that read “I am the problem” -Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz
There is so much truth (and conviction) in what he says. When I read about the violence in Syria, my reaction is to say "Violent extremism is the problem." or "Assad is evil." But really, it is me who is evil. When I get angry at my roommates, I am sowing hate and not peace. I cannot pray for "peace on Earth" and then turn around and curse the very people in front of me. I cannot ask God to bring an end to violence and then be impatient with those around me. If I say that I am a supporter of nonviolence (which I am), then I must practice nonviolence in all of my actions: in what I say, in what I do, and in how I treat others. I am the problem.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Talk like a Chapín
Here are some Guatemalan phrases/words that I have learned and sometimes use...
Chapin/Chapina: slang term Guatemalans use to refer to themselves/all things Guatemalan.
Patojo/Patoja: "kid" or "child"
Seño: Kind of like how in English we use "Ms." if we don't know if a woman is married or single. Although "seño" is applicable for both men and women. Most commonly heard over the phone or from people in shops and markets. (Ex: "¿Qué busca, seño?" (Translation: What are you looking for, ma'am/sir?").
"A la gran púchica" (or just "a la gran" or just "púchica"): Originally, a Salvadorian derivative of "puta," which means "bitch/slut/fuck." But here in Guatemala, it does not have such a negative connotation. Even small children often say "A la gran," and it roughly translates to "oh my gosh!"
So, there you go. Now you too can sound like a Guatemalan. (Or not.)
Chapin/Chapina: slang term Guatemalans use to refer to themselves/all things Guatemalan.
Patojo/Patoja: "kid" or "child"
Seño: Kind of like how in English we use "Ms." if we don't know if a woman is married or single. Although "seño" is applicable for both men and women. Most commonly heard over the phone or from people in shops and markets. (Ex: "¿Qué busca, seño?" (Translation: What are you looking for, ma'am/sir?").
"A la gran púchica" (or just "a la gran" or just "púchica"): Originally, a Salvadorian derivative of "puta," which means "bitch/slut/fuck." But here in Guatemala, it does not have such a negative connotation. Even small children often say "A la gran," and it roughly translates to "oh my gosh!"
So, there you go. Now you too can sound like a Guatemalan. (Or not.)
Sunday, February 16, 2014
I said "Good day!"
Just another good day to report...
Yesterday morning was my first volunteer experience at Potter's House. PH is a non-profit/ministry that works in and around the Guatemala City dump. They run education programs, job training workshops, and provide financial assistance as well as spiritual formation to some of the poorest of the city's residents. Check them out: http://www.pottershouse.org.gt/ (I'm going to help out a few Saturday's each month with their Kids' Club.)
Hundreds of kids come on Saturdays, so I was a bit overwhelmed. A number of them were quite rambunctious, but so many of them were so sweet and welcoming. During the song-and-dance time, I was standing at the back just enjoying the scene, when one little boy grabbed my hand unprompted. For the next hour or so, he was glued to me, interlocking his fingers with mine and leaning up against me. I could tell he was not feeling good since he was coughing and was apparently running a fever. I grabbed a chair, and he gladly let me hold him. It was amazing that he was so at ease with me, never having even met me. Honestly, I think that I needed it more than he did. I did end up sending him to see the nurse who was on duty (PH also has a full-on health clinic on-site.), and by the end of the day, he was running around and smiling!
And yesterday evening, I went bowling with two of my fellow interns and a couple of our co-workers. (Yes, I went bowling in Guatemala!) I am so grateful to Gaby and Santi for their hospitality towards us! I struggle with loneliness from time to time, so those seemingly small gestures of welcome and friendship are inexplicably encouraging. And we just had a darn good time!
So, thanks for letting me share about my day. It was refreshing and encouraging, and I am grateful to God for these glimpses of heaven here on Earth.
Yesterday morning was my first volunteer experience at Potter's House. PH is a non-profit/ministry that works in and around the Guatemala City dump. They run education programs, job training workshops, and provide financial assistance as well as spiritual formation to some of the poorest of the city's residents. Check them out: http://www.pottershouse.org.gt/ (I'm going to help out a few Saturday's each month with their Kids' Club.)
Hundreds of kids come on Saturdays, so I was a bit overwhelmed. A number of them were quite rambunctious, but so many of them were so sweet and welcoming. During the song-and-dance time, I was standing at the back just enjoying the scene, when one little boy grabbed my hand unprompted. For the next hour or so, he was glued to me, interlocking his fingers with mine and leaning up against me. I could tell he was not feeling good since he was coughing and was apparently running a fever. I grabbed a chair, and he gladly let me hold him. It was amazing that he was so at ease with me, never having even met me. Honestly, I think that I needed it more than he did. I did end up sending him to see the nurse who was on duty (PH also has a full-on health clinic on-site.), and by the end of the day, he was running around and smiling!
And yesterday evening, I went bowling with two of my fellow interns and a couple of our co-workers. (Yes, I went bowling in Guatemala!) I am so grateful to Gaby and Santi for their hospitality towards us! I struggle with loneliness from time to time, so those seemingly small gestures of welcome and friendship are inexplicably encouraging. And we just had a darn good time!
So, thanks for letting me share about my day. It was refreshing and encouraging, and I am grateful to God for these glimpses of heaven here on Earth.
Friday, February 14, 2014
These are my confessions....
Such a great song by Usher. But seriously: I feel the need to do some confessing. (And what better outlet than a blog, right?) Last night I got so angry that I was ready to punch someone in the face! In all honesty, for me, the most difficult part of being here in Guatemala is not anything I deal with at the office or out in the field with clients. It's living with other people. (I have two roommates here.)
Before going to camp and then living with my parents for the few weeks before I moved here to Guatemala, I lived alone. And I loved it! I absolutely abhore sharing space with other people. I don't want to deal with other people's shit all the time. I like things to be clean and orderly, and it angers me when others don't have the same cleanliness/orderliness priorities. The truth is- I am selfish. I want things the way I want them, and I don't like making concessions for other people. Without a doubt, I have a "my way or the highway" attitude.
True, I have not yelled at anyone or thrown a fit, but the anger is still there. And that's not cool. I know that I should repent and work towards being more understanding and willing to be flexible. But, honestly, I don't want to. Maybe it makes me feel superior by holding others to my standard and then bashing them or getting angry when they don't match up. I don't know. Or maybe the simple truth is that I should just never live with other people. Whatever the case, right now I'm stuck between what I know I should do and what I would rather do, which is stay angry. And that's my confession.
Before going to camp and then living with my parents for the few weeks before I moved here to Guatemala, I lived alone. And I loved it! I absolutely abhore sharing space with other people. I don't want to deal with other people's shit all the time. I like things to be clean and orderly, and it angers me when others don't have the same cleanliness/orderliness priorities. The truth is- I am selfish. I want things the way I want them, and I don't like making concessions for other people. Without a doubt, I have a "my way or the highway" attitude.
True, I have not yelled at anyone or thrown a fit, but the anger is still there. And that's not cool. I know that I should repent and work towards being more understanding and willing to be flexible. But, honestly, I don't want to. Maybe it makes me feel superior by holding others to my standard and then bashing them or getting angry when they don't match up. I don't know. Or maybe the simple truth is that I should just never live with other people. Whatever the case, right now I'm stuck between what I know I should do and what I would rather do, which is stay angry. And that's my confession.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Break It Down
You ever break down without having seen it coming? Well, that happened to me on Friday. I accompanied a family to a judicial hearing, in which the children testified about the abuse they suffered. It was a long day, as I had to go early to meet the family; then the hearing got moved back; and then the hearing started late and lasted a while. In these types of hearings, the children are in a room with a psychologist who is fed questions from the lawyers who are watching the interview on the opposite side of a one-way mirror. And in cases with multiple victims, the kids testify one at a time. And let me just say that the waiting area is not kid-friendly. So just the waiting itself is difficult. (Seriously- this fight for justice is long and tough...and frustrating a lot of the time.)
After getting back to the office, I broke down. I tried to shrug it off, but my wonderful supervisor pulled me aside because she could tell that I was not ok. She and I cried and prayed together, and I very much appreciate the love and vulnerability she showed me in those moments. The truth is- I am stressed out most of the time here. Either because I am worried about doing everything perfectly. Or because I take an emotional beating as I read about horrific abuse and see the residual damage in the lives of our clients.
I am not clinically depressed or constantly miserable, nor am I in any danger of hurting myself or self-medicating. I laugh often, and overall, I do like living here. But I am exhausted. This work would be tough enough at home, but I am in a foreign country, navigating every situation in my second language, living with people I do not know well, and away from my family and friends. Not to be a jerk, but no wonder I'm stressed and tired!
Admittedly, I have not been good about spending time praying or reading scripture. I want to do better with that. And I really hope that my trip home (40 days from today!) is encouraging and renewing.
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