'Just wanted to "check in" and let y'all know that things are going pretty well. I feel that my last post was a real downer and gives the impression that I am miserable here. It's definitely a steep learning curve, and since I am a perfectionist and want everything done yesterday, it has been an adjustment (and will continue to be, I'm sure).
Each day I feel a bit more comfortable at the office, and I keep telling myself that I cannot expect to feel completely comfortable, competent, or confident. (Good alliteration, huh?) Within that context, I've realized that there is a great contradiction: I so badly want to be helpful and a part of this office, yet I actually dread someone asking me to do anything for fear of messing up or simply just not understanding what I am asked to do. I think that can happen in any arena- for me, at least. If I can't do something perfectly, then I'd rather not do it at all.
That's really lame, I know. I suppose that underlying this internal conflict is nothing more than fear. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of rejection. Fear of not being "the best." I want that to change. Perhaps that will be one of the many things the Lord will break me of and teach me this next year.
On a lighter note: Today is my birthday! My co-workers decorated my desk, and everyone sang to me after morning prayer time. And my fellow interns took me out for Mexican, where I had to wear a ridiculous sombrero while the waiters sang to me. Despite the embarrassment, I am glad to know where I can get some legit Mexican food here in Guate! I also received two birthday cards and a giant package in the mail!
Hopefully, my roommate and I will have wireless at our apartment soon, and I will be able to post photos!
Oh! My new favorite activity = jumping rope on the roof of my building.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
Guatemala: A rough start
I have now been in
Guatemala for two weeks. Yes, I can believe it.
Leaving home proved to
be far more difficult than I had anticipated, for I had really enjoyed my time
with friends and family between camp and my departure for Guatemala. My
precious niece, Madison, was born on September 1st, and I really
hated leaving her. I also had the pleasure of traveling all around South
Carolina and the Atlanta area to visit friends- what a reminder of how special
it is to have solid community…and to just have a good time with others! Given
this precious season that the Lord granted me, coupled with my anxiety over
this new season of life, I was quite upset to leave home. I cried for about
half of the flight down here. PTL, the seat next to me was empty, so I didn’t
feel like I was making anyone uncomfortable.
My first weekend was
great (I arrived on a Saturday.). I got to spend it with some fellow interns,
two of whom I had the pleasure of meeting at IJM’s Global Prayer Gathering back
in D.C. in March. It was nice to have a couple days to get my bearings a bit
and to settle in. Then came my first day at the office…
Suffice it to say, it
did not go well. I ended up crying and leaving the office. Yes, I cried and ran
away like a small child. I am, in general, prone to anxiety, and the great unknown
into which I find myself staring has gotten the best of me at times. My mom
spoke truth to me that afternoon, reminding me that I am right where God would
have me. As she said, the circumstances surrounding my placement here in
Guatemala are too perfect for it to be outside His will.
The days since my first have been better although at times I have no idea what I am doing or am supposed to be doing. I have, however, been trying to lean into the truth of God's sovereignty as I seek to find my place and serve here.
The days since my first have been better although at times I have no idea what I am doing or am supposed to be doing. I have, however, been trying to lean into the truth of God's sovereignty as I seek to find my place and serve here.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Homage to a great dog.
Yesterday, my brother, Vance, had to have his dog, Liza, put down. She was 15 years old and was recently diagnosed with Cushings Disease. While she was technically Vance's dog, she belonged to us all. As my mom said yesterday, "She owned us all." In the time she was with us, our family went through a lot- joys and sorrows alike. I think that is a big part of what makes pets so special- not just the companionship that they provide, but that they are a living representation of what happens in our lives.
I think that for a lot of us, it is embarassing to be so attached to our animals. After all, they are not people. But, honestly, I think it's ok. To an extent, at least. (I mean, buying clothes for pets is crossing a line.)
But back to Liza... I want to share a few memories that stick out:
- When Mom first got her: She had promised Vance a dachshund for quite some time, but it had been delayed for one reason or another. One afternoon/evening while I was at choir practice in Snellville, Mom found an ad for dachshund puppies in the paper. When I came out to the car after practice, there she was! So tiny and wrapped in a towel. I think she just weighed a few ounces. We kept her in Mom and Dad's bathroom, and I remember going in there and sitting with her because I didn't like to hear her crying.
- One evening while Dad was walking her (along with Taffy and Lolly, our other dogs at the time), a neighbor asked if he was walking a rat- because she was so small!
- Vance was the mascot at Ole Miss while he was there, and one break he brought home his Colonel Reb head. I remember him coming into the kitchen with it on, and Liza went nuts! She was barking and hopping back and forth; I suppose because she was scared of him. I can't blame her. People in costumes are freaky!
- One evening at St. Simons, I took Liza down to the beach to walk. It was low tide, so I let her off the leash so that she could run. She went tearing off along the beach but stopped after a couple minutes, and I could tell that she was rolling around. (If you are not familiar with dachshunds, they are notorious for wallowing in anything smelly.) When I finally caught up to her, she was rolling on a dead pelican. And she smelled like death. I could hardly keep from gagging as I walked her home, where she promptly got a bath. Sheesh!
I don't know if this is more difficult because I am away or if maybe it's just tough no matter what. I am glad, though, that I got to spend time with her before I left. She was not herself these past few months, but that doesn't change what she means to us.
I think that for a lot of us, it is embarassing to be so attached to our animals. After all, they are not people. But, honestly, I think it's ok. To an extent, at least. (I mean, buying clothes for pets is crossing a line.)
But back to Liza... I want to share a few memories that stick out:
- When Mom first got her: She had promised Vance a dachshund for quite some time, but it had been delayed for one reason or another. One afternoon/evening while I was at choir practice in Snellville, Mom found an ad for dachshund puppies in the paper. When I came out to the car after practice, there she was! So tiny and wrapped in a towel. I think she just weighed a few ounces. We kept her in Mom and Dad's bathroom, and I remember going in there and sitting with her because I didn't like to hear her crying.
- One evening while Dad was walking her (along with Taffy and Lolly, our other dogs at the time), a neighbor asked if he was walking a rat- because she was so small!
- Vance was the mascot at Ole Miss while he was there, and one break he brought home his Colonel Reb head. I remember him coming into the kitchen with it on, and Liza went nuts! She was barking and hopping back and forth; I suppose because she was scared of him. I can't blame her. People in costumes are freaky!
- One evening at St. Simons, I took Liza down to the beach to walk. It was low tide, so I let her off the leash so that she could run. She went tearing off along the beach but stopped after a couple minutes, and I could tell that she was rolling around. (If you are not familiar with dachshunds, they are notorious for wallowing in anything smelly.) When I finally caught up to her, she was rolling on a dead pelican. And she smelled like death. I could hardly keep from gagging as I walked her home, where she promptly got a bath. Sheesh!
I don't know if this is more difficult because I am away or if maybe it's just tough no matter what. I am glad, though, that I got to spend time with her before I left. She was not herself these past few months, but that doesn't change what she means to us.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Let's learn about Guatemala!
So... Where is Guatemala? What the heck is there to know about it? Well...
It is in Central America- bordered by Mexico, El Salvador, Belize, and Honduras.
Guatemala gained its independence in 1821, after 3 decades as a Spanish colony. Prior to the arrival of the Spanish, Maya civilization flourished there.
Manuel Estrada Cabrera ruled Guatemala from 1898 to 1920. His dictatorship allowed for the United Fruit Company to exercise its power in the Guatemalan political and economic arenas.
In 1954, a CIA-backed a coup led to the downfall of democratically-elected President Arbenz after he legalized the communist party and attempted to nationalize United Fruit's plantations.
The country underwent a civil war from 1960 to 1996, which saw government forces battling leftist rebel groups. During the war, an estimated 200,000 Guatemalans perished, many as a result of the government "disappearance" program. Allegations of genocide perpetrated by the Guatemalan government persist to this day.
Today, Guatemala is a constitutional republic although many social and economic problems persist. It is considered a biodiversity hotspot and boasts a population of over 15 million. Its capital, Guatemala City (Nueva Guatemala de la Asunción) sits at 4.900 ft. and is the most populous city in Central America with an estimated population of about 4,000,000.
Currency: Quetzal
Language: Spanish, along with approx. 21 Mayan dialects
It is in Central America- bordered by Mexico, El Salvador, Belize, and Honduras.
Guatemala gained its independence in 1821, after 3 decades as a Spanish colony. Prior to the arrival of the Spanish, Maya civilization flourished there.
Manuel Estrada Cabrera ruled Guatemala from 1898 to 1920. His dictatorship allowed for the United Fruit Company to exercise its power in the Guatemalan political and economic arenas.
In 1954, a CIA-backed a coup led to the downfall of democratically-elected President Arbenz after he legalized the communist party and attempted to nationalize United Fruit's plantations.
The country underwent a civil war from 1960 to 1996, which saw government forces battling leftist rebel groups. During the war, an estimated 200,000 Guatemalans perished, many as a result of the government "disappearance" program. Allegations of genocide perpetrated by the Guatemalan government persist to this day.
Today, Guatemala is a constitutional republic although many social and economic problems persist. It is considered a biodiversity hotspot and boasts a population of over 15 million. Its capital, Guatemala City (Nueva Guatemala de la Asunción) sits at 4.900 ft. and is the most populous city in Central America with an estimated population of about 4,000,000.
Currency: Quetzal
Language: Spanish, along with approx. 21 Mayan dialects
Monday, September 16, 2013
Hindsight
Last night, I returned from D.C., where I spent the past week participating in orientation at IJM HQ. It was like drinking from a fire hose, and while my anxiety level is heightened, I am even more excited to head to the field.
I had an epiphany last week: Someone asked me (more than once) how I heard about IJM, and I shared that I was first introduced to IJM via a book conference at Peachtree Presbyterian in the spring of 2007. That semester, I was originally going to study abroad in Argentina, but due to some personal and family issues, I decided to postpone my semester abroad until the fall, and I withdrew from Clemson. I lived with my parents in Atlanta and did an internship in the Global Missions department at Peachtree. It was there that I learned about IJM. Also, I participated in a short-term mission trip to Guatemala. (I came home after just a couple days because I got strep throat.)
So here I am, six and a half years after that semester in which I traveled briefly to Guatemala and learned about IJM. I am leaving on September 28th to serve with IJM-Guatemala as an Aftercare Fellow. Surely, the Lord foresaw the path to the place where I currently find myself. I am so amazed at how He uses all things in my life, bringing them together and always offering me a hindsight vision that proves His faithfulness.
I had an epiphany last week: Someone asked me (more than once) how I heard about IJM, and I shared that I was first introduced to IJM via a book conference at Peachtree Presbyterian in the spring of 2007. That semester, I was originally going to study abroad in Argentina, but due to some personal and family issues, I decided to postpone my semester abroad until the fall, and I withdrew from Clemson. I lived with my parents in Atlanta and did an internship in the Global Missions department at Peachtree. It was there that I learned about IJM. Also, I participated in a short-term mission trip to Guatemala. (I came home after just a couple days because I got strep throat.)
So here I am, six and a half years after that semester in which I traveled briefly to Guatemala and learned about IJM. I am leaving on September 28th to serve with IJM-Guatemala as an Aftercare Fellow. Surely, the Lord foresaw the path to the place where I currently find myself. I am so amazed at how He uses all things in my life, bringing them together and always offering me a hindsight vision that proves His faithfulness.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Mid-Summer Update
It sure has been a long time since I wrote on this thing. But I'm pretty sure no one reads it anyway.
Now that we've cleared that up....
We're just past the mid-summer mark here at Camp Juliette Low: four and a half weeks down and three and a half to go until closing day. Wow!
The first half of the summer was absolute craziness: CITs piercing each other's ears, lying, hiding cell phones, and numerous other camper shenanigans. Our current group of CITs has been here since Monday, and they are just fantastic! We really could not be more pleased with their work so far. They're really on top of things, and I just love them! Tonight, the first-years did their unsupervised cookout, and it was great. They made chicken alfredo, seven layer bean dip, Caesar salad, and chocolate chimichangas....all on a fire! Yes, we CJL girls are hard-core. It's especially gratifying and fun to watch the second-years, whom I had last year, blossom in to such solid leaders. I look forward to all they will do in the next two weeks!
More than once this summer, I have stopped to think about how awesome it is to have grown up here at CJL and to now be in a leadership position. (I probably would not have believed anyone who told me I would one day be the CIT Program Director.) This place truly is a gift from the Lord, and I often glimpse the Kingdom of Heaven when I am here, as I foster friendships, delight in His creation, and simply enjoy the life He has given me.
As this camping season winds down, I have begun to look forward to the next season in my life: preparing for and beginning my work with IJM in Guatemala. Last weekend I booked my flight to and accommodations for training week in D.C.! I am very grateful to be in a season of life that I truly enjoy and to have something so exciting on the horizon- Praise the Lord!
Now that we've cleared that up....
We're just past the mid-summer mark here at Camp Juliette Low: four and a half weeks down and three and a half to go until closing day. Wow!
The first half of the summer was absolute craziness: CITs piercing each other's ears, lying, hiding cell phones, and numerous other camper shenanigans. Our current group of CITs has been here since Monday, and they are just fantastic! We really could not be more pleased with their work so far. They're really on top of things, and I just love them! Tonight, the first-years did their unsupervised cookout, and it was great. They made chicken alfredo, seven layer bean dip, Caesar salad, and chocolate chimichangas....all on a fire! Yes, we CJL girls are hard-core. It's especially gratifying and fun to watch the second-years, whom I had last year, blossom in to such solid leaders. I look forward to all they will do in the next two weeks!
More than once this summer, I have stopped to think about how awesome it is to have grown up here at CJL and to now be in a leadership position. (I probably would not have believed anyone who told me I would one day be the CIT Program Director.) This place truly is a gift from the Lord, and I often glimpse the Kingdom of Heaven when I am here, as I foster friendships, delight in His creation, and simply enjoy the life He has given me.
As this camping season winds down, I have begun to look forward to the next season in my life: preparing for and beginning my work with IJM in Guatemala. Last weekend I booked my flight to and accommodations for training week in D.C.! I am very grateful to be in a season of life that I truly enjoy and to have something so exciting on the horizon- Praise the Lord!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Surrounded by Struggle
The past few days have proven to be emotionally exhausting. Yesterday, I found out that a friend's brother died, and today I heard that my best friend's grandmother passed away. Also, last night a few of my fellow CMH students shared some very difficult client stories and their personal reactions and struggles in dealing with them.
I absolutely know that heartache is a part of life, but this is a strange place to be- surrounded by so much heartache while feeling that things in my life are going quite well. (I recently accepted an offer from IJM to participate in their Fellowship Program! And graduation is fast approaching!) I hate to see people whom I love having to face such difficulty. As a counselor, I am used to diving in to others' hurt; however, I cannot play the counselor role with my friends and family. It is not an easy task to just sit with people in their hurt and struggles.
I think that in asking Peter, James, and John to accompany Him to the garden, Jesus was really asking a lot of them. The text does not explicitly say so, but in my current position, I feel that I can intuit that with confidence. I do not have any answers right now, except to say that it is tough to look all around and feel that there is not much besides heartache and evidence of the fallen world in which we live. It is times like this that I know without a doubt that Christ is our only hope.
I absolutely know that heartache is a part of life, but this is a strange place to be- surrounded by so much heartache while feeling that things in my life are going quite well. (I recently accepted an offer from IJM to participate in their Fellowship Program! And graduation is fast approaching!) I hate to see people whom I love having to face such difficulty. As a counselor, I am used to diving in to others' hurt; however, I cannot play the counselor role with my friends and family. It is not an easy task to just sit with people in their hurt and struggles.
I think that in asking Peter, James, and John to accompany Him to the garden, Jesus was really asking a lot of them. The text does not explicitly say so, but in my current position, I feel that I can intuit that with confidence. I do not have any answers right now, except to say that it is tough to look all around and feel that there is not much besides heartache and evidence of the fallen world in which we live. It is times like this that I know without a doubt that Christ is our only hope.
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