I think that it is our basic instinct to react negatively when we are inconvenienced. Or to retaliate when others wrong us. When someone insults me (or just says something I don't like), my impulse is to strike back. My general attitude is one of "I don't take crap from anyone." Probably in the eyes of the world at-large, this is a good stance; we glorify those who are strong, independent, and even domineering. But in God's economy, this doesn't necessarily work.
I'm all about the apology, to be honest. I suffer from serious guilt-gut when I shoot my mouth off, and I'm quick to apologize and (attempt to) rectify the situation. But I would like to offer a blanket apology for my crappy behavior, failure to control my mouth, and for my quickness to act in anger.
Like so many sin issues, this is about more than simply controlling behavior. It's symptomatic of something deeper- perhaps a desire for justification or afirmation. I'm still working through what it might be in my case- doing some self-analysis, so to speak. For now, I am going to try to do better.
"Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one."
-B. Franklin
-B. Franklin
I so appreciate your transparency in this blog. (I can't wait to get a little of that face to face soon!) I wish more of us, esp. believers, were more candid with our struggles and shortfalls. Instead it's mostly people trying to seem better than they are instead of admitting their vast need of Jesus and giving Him the glory for whatever good we do find in ourselves. Love you friend, can't wait to see you soon!
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about something similar since our trip. What would it look like, in my own life, to live with love and forgiveness—for everyone—rather than just saying that I value it? I, too, don't want to take crap from anyone. Pushing back on someone who has wronged me seems like the "strong" response.
ReplyDeleteBut when I actually think about what forgiveness would look like in my own life, it occurs to me that it might be much harder and require much more strength. Loving the person who cuts me off on the highway... holding my tongue when someone is rude... When I look at how the people we met choose to respond with positivity and peacefulness, it occurs to me how much harder it is to love someone who wrongs you than it is to retaliate. Maybe reframing things in this way will help me act more gently while still seeing myself as a "strong" person...
I appreciated what you said on our last day in the Mar Elias chapel. I hope you'll continue to write about how the trip affects you.