How I do.

Here's a list of things that I do these days...

• attend mass at La Merced, one of the largest Catholic churches here in Guate.
• take communion, even though I'm not Catholic. (insert evil laugh)
• buy fresh, delicious vegetables from the central market. On average, I pay about 50 quetzales for seven or eight pounds of veggies. Btw- that's about $6.50
• walk everywhere, except on the weekends when I take the bus to Zone 10.
• throw used TP in the trash can instead of in the toilet (TMI?).
• line dry my clothes.
• hand-wash dirty dishes in the absence of a dishwasher.
• get angry when men say gross things as I walk down the street.
• kiss people on the cheek when I greet them.
• wonder why other people are laughing because I don't get Guatemalan humor.

Yes, my life here is really exciting. Not. Well, it kind of is. Every day has its challenges and joys. As of today, I have seven weeks until my trip to Atlanta and Greenville. I'm happy to report that while I am excited to go home for a bit and see people I love and eat food that I miss, I am not eager to leave Guate. I've really grown to love this city and all of the people that God has placed before me here. Praise the Lord for that!

TGIF

This week has been a doozie. It's been quite emotional, to be honest.

• I've been processing my sadness and anger over a personnel change in the office. (I've grown quite close to the person leaving, and I really hate to see her go.) Tuesday I bawled for a couple hours. Wednesday I talked with my supervisor at HQ and am now able to be a bit more objective about the situation (although the sadness persists). 
• I was part of a failed rescue operation yesterday, which was difficult. And as a result, I had to be part of a debriefing meeting. I really didn't have much to say, so I just listened, but it was interesting and difficult to hear others' frustrations and come to terms with the f-ed up system in which we are working. 
• My sweet roommate has had a tough week, and I just hate that for her. It's difficult for me to feel like I am unable to help someone with their troubles. 
• And to top it all off, Novak Djokovic got knocked out of the Australian Open. A real tragedy, I know. Seriously- When I found out on Wednesday morning that he had lost, I said to myself "Seems fitting, given the way this week is going." 

This is not meant to be a laundry list of complaints or a "woe is me blog" post. Some weeks are just tough, and this was one. But I don't feel defeated. I have seen the Lord working, and there have been glimmers of hope and joy.

• This week we did celebrate IJM-Guatemala's first conviction of the year! 
• I feel strongly that I will continue to be friends with the person who is no longer at the office. I have gained a sweet friend, and that is just stinkin' awesome!
• I heard back from Potter's House and have an appointment next week to go learn about their ministry at the city dump and hopefully to get on their schedule to volunteer on the weekends. 
• And in all of the aforementioned struggles, the people around me have shown their concern and have loved me well. For that, I am grateful. 

But TGIF!

The Toughest Choice

How do you truly let go of a friendship? I'm not sure there really is an answer to this question; but it is one that I have dedicated a lot of thought to recently. A couple weeks ago, I found myself very angry thinking about people who have not stayed in touch since I moved here to Guatemala. I was talking on Skype with a friend, and she asked me about who all I had heard from, and it was only then, when I said it out loud, that I realized how angry I was over not hearing from a number of people.

Since that realization, I have tried to let go of that anger and move towards a place of forgiveness. That is, of course, easier said than done; but I do not want to find myself still angry or bitter if/when those friendships are rekindled. But for now, I am willing and ready to let go of relationships that I find to be draining or in which I am the only one making the effort. At this point in my life, I want my friendships/relationships to be about quantity rather than quality. I realize that there will be times in relationships in which one person cannot give as much as the other, but I think that in general, a true friendship is one of give and take- a 2-way street, so to speak.

I cannot control other people, but that does not mean that others' actions (or inactions, as the case may be) will not affect me. I think a lot of us hold onto the idea that it's not cool to ever get upset. Maybe that's an idea we picked up from our youth pastors. It's ok to acknowledge the hurt that others may cause us to feel. To refuse to do so would do a disservice to our emotional capacity and our innate humanity. We are people who feel, and that is ok. But to hold onto that hurt and allow it to morph into bitterness or a desire for revenge is not ok.

Forgiveness is a difficult choice to make because so often the alternative is so enticing. I admit that very often, I want to be angry at other people. I feel validated in my anger and desire to retaliate. But forgiveness is just that- a choice. And it's one that I want to be able to make.

Check-in

Here we are. In 2014. Is it just me or does it seem strange to see that as the current year? I always remember a project I did with my 2nd grade class at Greater Atlanta Christian School: we made construction paper models of ourselves, and the whole thing was titled "Class of 2004." That seemed like light years away at the time; but here we are...10 years past that. Sheesh! Anyway.... Enough of the boring, obvious talk about chronology and the fact that time passes.

Honestly, not too much to report here. I just felt the need to write a post since it's been a few weeks.

Christmas was good, albeit weird. I went to Honduras to be with some friends in San Pedro Sula. My parents came for the 21th-23rd. I cried when I saw them, which surprised me. I talk to them quite often, but I suppose it's different seeing someone in person as opposed to on a screen. We went to see the Mayan ruins at Copán, which was really cool. And while, at times, I wished that I had been home to enjoy the Christmas traditions I love, I am really grateful that I got to experience Christmas somewhere else.

New Years: So. Many. Fireworks. My roommate and I didn't do much. Seriously- we sat in the living room and read our books (Our wireless was down.) Around 11:30 we went up to our roof, where we had a top-notch view of no fewer than 25 humongous, legit fireworks shows. So awesome!

Things are normal at the office. I find myself either crazy-busy or having to ask for something to do. But it's ok.

And, the most exciting development as of late: I purchased a ticket to go to Atlanta at the end of March, for my visa renewal trip! Thanks to my loyalty to Delta, I only had to pay $79 for the ticket! Delta required 35,000 frequent flyer miles to purchase said ticket, and I had 35,138. That's divine providence if you ask me!

'Til next time...