No Language

My fellow interns and I joke a lot about how we can't speak Spanish or English anymore. Last week, I asked Matt, "What is the opposite of 'unisex'? You know, like a school that has both boys and girls?" Google taught us that it is "coed." Even Andrea, who is Bolivian, now says that her bilingualism has led to incompetence in both languages. Of course, it's not really that serious, but it is odd when I have to use the online translator because I can't think of a word in English. (And of course, I still haven't totally mastered Spanish; not sure that I ever will.) 

Vocabulary struggles aside, there is something more to this theme of not being able to come up with adequate words. In every season of life, I find a song that conveys my feelings and thoughts better than I ever could. As I stand with one foot in Guatemala and the other about to land in the U.S.- with my mind all over the place- my song is "Side By Side" by Sleeping At Last.

There is no language for what we've seen,

Only the sweetness that bends us to our knees,

And all of these fumbling words to explain what it means,

But our hearts were buried deep in the sand. 

This year has been beyond words. I have stepped into places of great pain and become acquainted with the sufferings of the poor in a way that I never have before. I have laughed a lot and cried a lot too. The Lord has allowed me to know so many wonderful people who have challenged and encouraged me, and I have had difficulties with others as well. There is so much to be said about my experience here, and I imagine that it will be a long time before I have adequately processed it. Part of me believes that this season of life will continue to teach me things for the rest of my life, long after I've left. 

I think that I feel a sense of urgency to be able to summarize this past year in a number of words. But I think that is an unreasonable expectation. There really are not any words sufficient to describe any of our clients' stories. Nor are there words good enough to convey all of the ups and downs I have personally experienced. Of course, I look forward to sharing about my experience with those who are eager to hear, but I will maintain the belief that some things are beyond words. 

September 11th...13 years on

Honestly, what strikes me most about this being the 13th anniversary of 9/11 is that it's been 13 years since I was in 10th grade. It was arguably my best year of high school and honestly, does not seem that long ago. But I'm straying from the point here.

Today continues to be an emotional day for so many of us who claim U.S. citizenship. I spent the better part of that day completely confused (because I arrived late to the assembly in which our dean told us what had happened), and from there I began to learn what it means to feel vulnerable on behalf of people I don't know and to rally with others in nationalism. Being a U.S. citizen had never really meant much to me before 9/11, and in the wake of all of the anger, fear, and sadness, that began to change.

But now I think of all of the things I have learned since that day. My view of the world has been turned upside down. I am now painfully aware of all the destruction my country has wrought throughout the world in the name of "freedom" and "democracy." Heck. For the past year, I have been living in a country that has been left shattered by the arrogant, misguided, greedy policies and interventionism of the U.S. I know full well that we have made a royal mess of things.

This morning I was perusing Facebook (I enjoy seeing what people are up to and what people are saying.), and I got my feathers all ruffled when I saw that a number of people had posted "God Bless America." I confess that these words make me so angry. The United States is not God's favorite country; it is not an example of goodness and virtue. God has already told us what He blesses, what things please Him. It is wrong for us to invoke His blessing on things that are inherently different from the character of Jesus or those things which will not bring His kingdom to earth. Jesus does not bless bombs. He does not bless those who take up arms. He does not bless things done in the name of arrogance and hatred.

I realize that these may be inflammatory things to say. I know many people who would staunchly oppose what I am saying here. But I hold these beliefs with great conviction. I do not hate the U.S. But I do mourn the fact that the U.S. marches around claiming to be the manifestation of God's will while not looking anything like Jesus. We can do better.

Too often we just do what makes sense to us and ask God to bless it.  In the Beatitudes, God tells us what God blesses – the poor, the peacemakers, the hungry, those who mourn, those who show mercy – so we should not ask God’s blessing on a declaration that we will have no mercy on evildoers.  And we know all too well that we have a God who shows mercy on evildoers, for if he didn’t, we’d all be in big trouble, and for that, this evildoer is very glad.  Rather than do what makes sense to us and ask God’s blessing, we’d do better to surround ourselves with those whom God promises to bless, and then we do not need to ask God’s blessing.

Retreat

We survived the retreat! More than survived, actually; it was a great success! Let's back up for a second: Marissa, a former intern, and her husband as well as my parents donated a significant amount of money so that we could hold a spiritual retreat for a group of our clients. PTL for their generosity!

The night of the retreat, we had a campfire during which we gave the girls the chance to write on a slip of paper the name of someone who hurt them and to then throw it into the fire as a symbolic act of forgiveness. I was sitting back, observing, and I just couldn't stop thinking about how absurd it is that every single one of them has suffered sexual abuse. And that for each one of them, there are so many more girls and boys who will likely never see justice served or be given the chance to heal.

It was special to see these girls in a different environment and to give them the chance to learn about the Lord and His love for them as well as to just allow them to have fun and be kids. We had a total of 29 girls attend, aged 11 to 19, along with 6 babies. I believe that all but one of the babies were a result of the abuse that the mother suffered. (I don't think I'll ever get over seeing a 12 year-old with a baby.)

I had some awesome moments when I was able to connect with a few girls one-on-one. I am grateful, as always, for the privilege of getting to know these brave young women. No one should ever have to suffer what they have; but their courage and recovery are proof that with adequate, consistent help that restoration is possible.

I don't say this to be prideful, but our work here is important. It is messy and not usually very streamlined: sometimes parents don't cooperate; the judicial process moves at a glacial pace; these families live in poverty that brings with it many challenges; the clients themselves are not always angelic. But despite these obstacles and challenges, these kids deserve to be safe. My time here is coming to a close, and it has been an immense privilege to be a part of this work and to play a small part in securing justice for those who would otherwise have no defender.

May there truly be Justice For All.

Weekend Update

All in all, it's been a good weekend...

• Friday, I spent 5 hours at the MP (public prosecutor's office) with a client. She bravely testified, and that is worth praise; however, this client has both a speech impediment and a pretty severe mental disability, and she spontaneously talked about another perpetrator during the interview (She was there to testify about one perpetrator in particular.). So we ended up having to stick around so that they could take an additional testimony and make further notes for the case. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again: the fight for justice is messy, long, and most of the time, far from streamlined. 
• I've been able to tune into the U.S. Open via radio and video stream. (I'm old enough that this technology still blows my mind.) Friday I watched Federer and Eugenie Bouchard win their matches, and today I listened to Caroline Wozniacki knock out Sharapova. - Go Caro! 
• Yesterday, after seeing an absurd parade of middle school marching bands as I walked to the gym, I attended a co-worker's wedding. I was (and still am) so flattered to have been invited to their nuptials. Here's a photo of a few of us from the reception:

I really need a haircut. Ugh.

• Today I did some reading, ran errands, and did some work on my LinkedIn profile and job search. I admit that I had a mini-meltdown in the midst of the job searching. I have moments in which I feel totally defeated, without any reason to hope that I will ever find a job that's not totally crappy. I really do want to believe that God has something in store for me- and not just any job, but something that I will be good at and enjoy. After allowing myself to be upset and praying to Jesus that He would provide and help me to defeat my pessimism, I forged ahead and ended up finding applicable job postings at two facilities in Atlanta. Thank you, Lord, for these small reminders of provision. And for simply showing me that there are jobs out there. 

Tomorrow is not Labor Day here in Guatemala. But that's cool. I've got 17 work days left, and I want to make the most of them. (Where has this year gone?)  

Mourning, Binding, and Loosing

Over the past few days, the Lord has been teaching me how to respond better to all of the tragedy in this world. It's no secret that I am a news addict and make a concerted effort to be informed about current events. (It's not uncommon for me to spend hours on end reading the news and researching the issues at hand. I probably have a problem, if I'm honest.) It's also no secret that the world seems to be completely falling apart. No doubt anyone who is the least bit informed is feeling pessimistic about what the future holds and impotent when it comes to addressing any of the day's issues and conflicts.

The lesson that Jesus is teaching me began when I read an article on Red Letter Christians, which is an organization that provides commentary and articles about current events from a Biblical perspective- or rather, in light of Jesus' words- that is, the Bible's red letters. I have provided a link to the article at the bottom of this entry.

In short, the author tells us that as we read about and engage with the suffering in our world, that we should be intentional in sitting with the pain. Romans 12:15 reads "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Of course, it's easy enough to mourn with people close to us and to sit in sadness over things in our direct circle. But in this passage, Paul does not differentiate; therefore, we may conclude that his instructions apply to all circumstances. We are to mourn over all injustice and to stand in solidarity with all who suffer.

When I read the news, I mostly get annoyed and angry. I feel hatred towards those perpetuating violence and annoyance with people who are uninformed. And then I try to get on with my day. I know that there has to be a better way to respond, and I believe that Jesus is teaching me what that is. I want to be more intentional about processing and sitting with what I read and to cultivate compassion as I do so.

Last night I listened to an awesome sermon from Trinity Anglican, and it carried me forward in this theme. In Matthew 16, Jesus takes His disciples to Ceasarea Philippi, and there in the context of pagan worship, He asks them who people say He is. After Peter says that he believes Jesus is the Messiah, Jesus gives him the "keys of heaven." That is, He entrusts Peter with the work of the Kingdom of God. And that work is to bind and loose things in Jesus' name. To bring His kingdom to earth.

I love what the Lord is teaching me here. It is not enough for me to be informed. It is my duty (and perhaps even my privilege) to mourn with those suffering around me. But it doesn't stop there. Jesus has entrusted me (and all of us who follow Him) to bring His kingdom to this sick, sad, hurting world. It's a tall order, but it sure beats sitting around and getting annoyed.

http://www.redletterchristians.org/mourn-gaza-israel-tweet/

Gratitude and other stuff

Fran here. First off, I want to share an article from IJM HQ about the pinning ceremony we had here a couple weeks ago. It is always a really special event; these kids have been so brave, and their testimony is critical to achieving justice for them and their families. This time, a few clients whom I know pretty well received their pins, so it was extra special for me!

http://news.ijm.org/ijm-president-calls-guatemalan-children-his-superheroes/

In other news, I have recently been intentional about practicing gratitude. I am so often bogged down in anger, jealousy, and arrogance, so I am making a concerted effort to be thankful for all of the good things in my life. The other day, I was even so dorky as to make a list, so here it is:

• Family
• Friends
• My parents' insane generosity
• Cool life experiences, including this season here in Guatemala
• The Lord's provision and salvation
• Health (for the most part, that is)
• Aptitudes 

That is, of course, not an exhaustive list, but it's been very helpful for me to do this; I have seen my negative emotions abate, and that is quite freeing.

As of today, I go home in 39 days. Ouch. I am not terribly eager to leave Guatemala, but I have gotten a bit more excited about being back in Atlanta for a season. I plan to get more involved with the church I attend there as well as to get in a lot of qt with family and friends. - I would appreciate prayers for discernment, provision, and patience as I search for a job and figure out these next steps.

Intense Moments, Good Reminders

It's been quite a day! A lot of stimulation and human interaction for this introvert.

This morning, I got to observe a Cámara Gessel, which is the closed-circuit interview in which children testify about the abuse they have suffered or witnessed. It's not terribly different from what one might imagine: There is a room in which the psychologist and the child sit, and then on the other side of a one-way mirror sit the defense and prosecuting attorneys, a judge, the alleged perpetrator, and in this case, me. I had previously been denied entry a number of times, so it was even more exciting to be there. The case in question was quite interesting, and while I cannot divulge any details, hearing this child's story once again reiterated the necessity of our work here.

This afternoon, we had our first monthly boys' group. We've been hosting a group for adolescent girls for some time, so it was nice to interact with the little dudes for once. They are, predictably, hilarious and a little rambunctious, which I find highly entertaining. We decided to split them into two groups: middle schoolers and the little ones, you know, for a little crowd control. I stayed with the little guys, and they were just so sweet!

Once we all came back together, I noticed that one kid had begun to cry; one of my fellow interns sat with him, while I talked with his little brother. These two are very new clients and are such sweet, well-mannered kids. As they were all leaving, the older of the two went out of his way to shake hands with the male group leader. I mean, seriously! First of all, to see a child with such a sweet spirit and great manners, and then to know what he has been through. Needless to say, I will probably have a good cry later. It probably sounds cliche, but moments like these remind me of how we are called to sow peace right where we are and to love those right around us. (I needed that reminder.)

Other Points of Interest

• I had dinner with two excellent ladies last night- Melissa, a fellow intern & Lorena, a friend from Bible study. I'm very thankful for their friendship. 
• As of yesterday, I leave Guatemala in 8 weeks. Let's not talk about it. 
• TGIF! - Looking forward to a relaxing yet productive weekend.
• My iPhone is on a trip to the U.S. right now. (It will have been Stateside more than me over the past year.)