Home Sweet Home?

Last night, I talked a bit with some fellow expats about heading home. Monica, the wife of our Church Mobilization Fellow, is heading to the U.S. in less than a week...for good. She shared how she got a bit nervous when their family went to the States for Christmas as well as how it is not uncommon that people at home are not really interested to hear about your experience abroad. I admit that I am nervous about going home tomorrow.

Things I'm looking forward to*:

• Chick-fil-A
• Hanging out with my pets
• Target
• Telling others about Guatemala

 Things I'm not looking forward to*:

• Atlanta traffic (Shoot me now!)
• Being appalled at how expensive things are
• Feeling out of place
• My dentist appointment

Of course, I am excited about my trip because there are things and people I miss that I will get to enjoy; however, the past few weeks have been really good for me here in Guatemala, and I am dreading all of those typical, reverse culture shock happenings. (I'm still debating about whether or not to throw the toilet paper in the toilet while I'm there because I really like throwing it in the trash can. It just seems to make more sense.) But seriously- Will the euphoria of being home wear off and leave me feeling out of place and stuck between two cultures? Will people want to really listen and hear about my experience? Will I get angry at people and the way things are done in the States? Will I be able to tell others about my life in Guatemala in a way that accurately conveys my experience?

I had a tough time when I returned from my semester in Argentina, and I hope that by reflecting on that experience and recognizing the potentiality/possibility that this trip might be difficult at times will help me. If you're reading this, please pray that my time would be restful and not stressful. And if you see me while I'm in the U.S., please check in with me and help me navigate this odd space.

*This is not a comprehensive list.

Día de Gozo

Today has been full of joy, and for that I am so thankful. 1) This morning, a former colleague asked me to complete a secret mission for her while I'm in the States, so that's terribly exciting. (I cannot, herein, divulge any additonal information regarding said mission.)

2) This afternoon, I went with our Aftercare director to accompany a client in an Ob-Gyn appointment. The client in question is the primary participant in one of our longest cases, dating back to 2007. She was initially a victim of apparent trafficking and has since returned to the capital, been placed in an Aftercare home, escaped, lived on the streets, abused drugs, sold drugs, been a victim of horrific abuse, and become pregnant. About a month ago, she was once again found to be living in the streets, in a notoriously seedy area of Guatemala City. Our investigators were able to rescue her and she has since been living in an Aftercare/rehab facility.

So, this afternoon... The doctor, who-Praise God!-provided the gyno exam free of charge, began to conduct the ultrasound, and after a few minutes looked up and said quite matter-of-factly, "She is not pregnant." Praise the Lord for this! It may sound to some like an odd thing to be happy about, but no doubt this sweet girl does not need the added pressure of impending motherhood, given her situation. Our priority is her restoration and security, and we are overjoyed at the lifting of this burden. Perhaps the Lord worked a strange miracle. Or perhaps she never was pregnant to begin with. Whatever the case, it is a positive development in this difficult situation. I am in awe of my supervisor's commitment to this case- the way she persists in prayer and appears to never doubt the ability or faithfulness of the Lord to bring about a miracle for this girl. My prayer is that today's happening would just be the beginning of a flood of miraculous news in this case. May it be so!

3) This afternoon, one of my co-workers poured out her heart to me as I ate my lunch. It began with an unsolicited question and slowly morphed into a counseling session of sorts. At times, I wonder why I am here, or I bemoan the fact that I am not (yet) getting much clinical experience. But I have been intentional with this person in asking how she is doing each day and asking about her family, and there she goes- soliciting my advice and opinion. (Of course, a therapist's job is not to give his/her opinión, but even so, it was special to have that one-on-one time, to just listen, offer words of advice and comfort.)

4) This week we've had some visitors from HQ, one of whom is our director of Contingency Operations. He is a retired U.S. Army colonel, has an impressive CV and is quite the character. This morning, before he departed, he conducted a briefing, in order to further improve the security of our office. I am continuously amazed at how well IJM cares for its employees, and I couldn't be more grateful! But more than that, I was very touched that he took the time to thank us for our work, to encourage us, and tell us what a good job we are doing. Most notable was his observation that our office really acts like a family, which he says is not the case in all offices. Praise be to the Lord for bringing me here to this place, for allowing me to know these people and to be a part of this community.

5) I head home in 2 days, but given all that I have written above, I can say that I will miss Guatemala while I am gone.

That's all, folks.

Update: Bullet Point Style

Just a quick update on the goings-on in my life here:

• 'Been quite busy at work: I spent last week making preparations for this coming week's Aftercare training. Generally, I enjoy the administrative side of things, but I was all but chained to my desk making arrangements, printing training materials, figuring out finance stuff, and all of those other logistics, and I got really sick of it. My hat goes off to the interns who do all of that junk all of the time!
• I've been struggling with anger a lot- whether it's towards my roommates for not being as clean/tidy as I would like them to be; at people who walk so insanely slow on the sidewalks; or just at any given situation. At times, I wish I could just haul off and slap someone. And I'm not even really sure where this anger is coming from. It is difficult to psychoanalyze myself, but I've always been a control freak, so maybe the root of the issue lies there. I don't know... 
• I've been amazed at how the Lord has made connections between me and other people- seeing His providence, foresight, and planning: Our Aftercare specialist is here this week (doing the aforementioned training), and it turns out that she knows some of my Honduran friends because she grew up there (Her parents were missionaries with Church of the Brethren). And one year ago, I was sitting at lunch with Rene, Brad, ReJean; and here we are now- me about halfway through my time here, and Rene with about a month to go. It's just awesome to see how God has connected and re-connected me with people. I hope I never cease to be amazed by those things.
• As of tomorrow, I go home in 11 days! I'm not eager to leave Guatemala because I like it here a lot, but I am looking forward to spending time with people I love, eating some delicious food, and just enjoying the comforts of home. I am a bit worried that being there might be difficult- whether because I feel disconnected from life at home or because I may not be able to accurately convey my experience to others. I just know that oftentimes it can be difficult to return home after a stint away, especially in a place that others do not know, doing work that is taxing and difficult to share. 
• My hair has been uncooperative, to say the least. I think that the water here is really bad on it. I mean, we don't drink the water, so it can't be doing anything good for my locks. This is petty, I know; but curly hair is challenging in any situation, but mine is just downright unruly these days. 'Hoping some hair therapy while I'm home will help the situation. 

That's all I know for now. You stay classy, whoever's reading this.